Strange Duels
by Yuen
Summary: Parodies of duels in Yu Gi Oh! Hints of YAOI. Chapter 2 Yami vs Yami Malik! Everyone knows that Yami Malik can be VERY scary at times, no? Find out just how scary he can be!
1. As XX Is Unable To Duel, XX Is The Winne...

The story below was actually written in Chinese and posted in the Chinese section. But as it seemed that I didn't have a chance to get any reviews I translated it into english and posted it here. If it seems like crap, remember that I'm not a translator and the story is much better in Chinese anyway. So please go read it in Chinese if you have time! Thanks! ^_^ 

P.S. In case you didn't read the summary, this story contains WARNING: MAJOR YAOI! 

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Gi Oh! or Rurouni Kenshin. 

Kaiba vs Yami Yuugi 

Kaiba: Summon The God of Obelisk! Ha ha ha ha ha! 

Yami: Um, Kaiba, why is your card.....? 

Obelisk: I'm sick and tired of such a stuck up master! I quit! 

Kaiba: God of Obelisk!!! Noooo!!!! 

Obelisk: Go to hell! 

Kaiba: X.X 

Kaiba Seto is unable to duel, Yami Yuugi wins! 

***   
That's the price of being so stuck-up!   
*** 

Yami Malik vs. Jyounouchi 

Yami Malik: Summon the Sun of God Dragon! 

Once the Sun of God Dragon was summoned it yelled crazily and attacked everything around it! 

Sun: I almost told my feelings to Siri-chan! But you summoned me out to a boring duel! Feel the wrath of a God!!!!!!! 

Yami Malik: What?! *attacked by The Sun of God Dragon* XX 

Jyounouchi: Wah ah ah!! Yami, TASUKETE!!!!!!! *dodging all the attacks* 

Yami: Siri-chan? Could it be....? *takes out the Saint Dragon-God of Osiris card* Summon the God of Osiris! 

Written below is The Sun of God Dragon and The God of Osiris love talk. Will readers with a tendency to vomit please proceed with caution. 

Osiris: Sun-chan! Stop! 

Sun: Siri-chan....! 

Osiris: I understand your feelings *blush* But can you give me time to think it out? 

Sun: Of.....Of course! 

Jyounouchi: Oh my god! *faint* 

Yami: I didn't know that my God of Osiris was like that. 

Osiris: Sun-chan~ 

Sun: Siri-chan~ 

Osiris: Sun-chan~ 

Sun: Siri-chan~ 

Osiris: Sun-chan~ 

Sun: Siri-chan~ 

Osiris: Sun-chan~ 

Sun: Siri-chan~ 

Osiris: Sun-chan~ 

Sun: Siri-chan~ 

All: .... 

Kaiba: I can't bear this any longer! Summon the God of Obelisk! 

Obelisk: Hey, when are you going to stop talking! Let's go and get some wine! 

Sun, Osiris: Wine?! Let's go! 

Yami: Oi oi! How about the duel? 

Yami Malik is unable to fight, Jyounouchi is the winner! 

Jyounouchi: Ya~~~~hooooo!! 

***   
Jyounouchi was going to win! Yami Malik eat shit! 

*** 

Pegasus vs Yami Yuugi 

Pegasus: Use Magic Card Cartoon World! Summon Himura Kenshin! 

'Himura Kenshin'   
ATTACK 2500   
DEFENSE 2100 

Yami: Wah~!*heart* Bishonen! *heart**heart* Will you go on a date with me? *heart* 

Pegasus: *throws up* *faint* 

Pegasus is unable to duel, the Champion is Mutou Yuugi! 

Kenshin: T_T Do I look so pretty? 

***   
Gomen, Kenshin! ^_^;   
***   
Yami vs. Pandora 

Pandora: The Black Magician sacrificed itself to save its master on its own accord! But cards can't possibly.....! 

Yami: Pandora! You will never understand...... You will never understand the wonders of love! 

Pandora: LOVE?! *throws up blood* 

Yami: Not good! *sweatdrop* I slipped up in my anger! 

Yuugi: *sweatdrop* Yami.... You.....and the Dark Magician...... 

Yami: Please don't tell anyone!!! 

Pandora: *faints* 

Because Pandora is unable to duel, Yami is the winner! 

***   
(Digimon)   
Yami: Black Magician digivolve! Dark Magician of Black Chaos! 

(Pokemon)   
Yami: *throws pokeball* I choose you! Kuriboh! 

(Sailormoon)   
Yami: *holds cards* I am the bishonen senshi Sailor Yami! In the name of the cards I will punish you! 

Okay, so it WAS crap. So leave a review telling me how crappy it is, thanks!   



	2. Yami Malik Scares The Hell Out Of The Go...

Everyone knows that Yami Malik can be VERY scary at times, no? Read on and find out just how scary he can be! 

Take #1 

Yami:: Summon Saint Dragon - God of Osiris! Attack! 

Yami M: *makes YMSF(TM)* Ha ha ha! With this Trap Card, when you attack I can use a magic card that you've used! Revive the Sun of God Dragon! 

(YMSF = Yami Malik's Scary Face = You know, either his tongue sticks out, or his eyes bulge out, or nerves pop up everywhere, or all three together) 

Yami: What?! Even with 6000 attack points the Sun of God Dragon cannot be killed?! 

Yami M: Ha ha ha ha! *makes YMSF again* My turn! With 1000 LP, the Sun of God Dragon can use its special power! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha-ah? Why aren't you attacking?! 

Sun: *haughtily* I will not attack my lover! 

Yami, Yami M: *blanch* Lover?! 

Osiris: Never mind, just kill me! 

Sun: But.... 

Osiris: No buts! I'd rather be in the grave than face.... face.... _THAT_! *points at Yami M* 

Sun: All right, sweetheart, don't get so worked up...... *attacks the God of Osiris* 

Osiris: Thank you so much! Love you for ever! *as the fire burns it to a crisp* 

Yami, Yuugi: Uh wah wah wah wah wah wah!! 

Yami Malik: *makes YMAF(TM) * : Am I that scary? 

(YMAF= Yami Malik's Angry Face = An angry version of YMSF - But none the less frightening) 

Sun: *takes a look at Yami Malik* : Uh wah ya ya ya ya ya!!! *flees into the grave* 

Yami Malik: .... 

Take #2 

Yami: He he he.... This round, I can use the magic card Shi Jya So Sei again! Revive the Sun of God Dragon! 

Yami: .....! 

Sun: *from the grave* I don't wanna come out! 

Yami Malik: I COMMAND you to come out! 

Sun: No! You're too scary! *whimpers* 

Yami Malik: *sickeningly sweet voice* Please come out, dear Sun of God Dragon~ Pretty _please_~? 

Sun: *sounds of vomiting inside the grave* 

Yami Malik: *snap* All right that's it! *puts his face close to the grave and makes an extra scary YMSF(TM)* *roar* 

Sun: Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! *jumps out of the grave* 

Yami: ..... 

Yami Malik: Good, now I want you to use your special power - One Turn Kill! 

Sun: No! 

Yami Malik: *YMAF(TM)* WHAT?! 

Sun: I don't wanna fusion with you! *shudders at the very thought* 

Yami Malik: *YMAF(TM)* Okay, then I'll tear your card into pieces! 

Sun: My CAAAAAAARRRRRRRDDDDDDD~~~~~~~!!! *spouts fire in Yami Malik's direction* 

Yami Malik: Uh wah wah wah wah wah!!!!! 

Yami: Wow, that guy is toast. 

Yuugi: Now I know why his hair sticks up like that. 

Take #3 

Yami: Summon the God of Obelisk! 

Yami M: Hngh! *thinks* Come attack me, you'll fall into my trap! 

Yami: God of Obelisk attack! 

Yami M: *YMSF(TM)* Trap Ca - ah? 

Obelisk: *cower behind Yami and Yuugi* Kowai..... (Scared......) 

Yami: *outraged* Get your lazy butt up and attack! 

Obelisk: Nooooooooo! I'll do anything, I'll be your slave forever, or your prostitute, but don't make me attack_ that_!!!! *shuts eyes tightly and point at Yami Malik* 

Yami M :..... 

Take #4 

Yami: You won't attack because he's too scary? 

Obelisk: *nods* 

Yami: Okay then. 

Yami walks up to Yami Malik and kisses him. 

Yami M: ! 

Anzu: ....Yami? 

Yuugi: *blush* 

Malik: Rishid..... 

Jyounouchi: What?! 

Kaiba: ?! 

Mokuba: ~~~~ 

Honda: ..... 

Yami: *leaves Yami Malik at last* Does he look frightening now? 

Obelisk: ....No.... 

Which is unsurprising, as Yami Malik looks totally traumatised for life! 

Yami: Therefore..... God of Obelisk ATTACK! 

Bang! Under the stress of Yami's kiss and God of Obelisk's attack (though more of the former than the latter) Yami Malik faints dead straight away! 

As Yami Malik is unable to duel, Mutou Yuugi is the winner! 

Yuugi: Yeah!! We've saved Malik! 

Yami: Jyounouchi! Its our turn to duel! 

Kaiba: *also fainted* 

Mokuba: Oniichan! 

Anzu: And I was hoping for his first kiss..... T_T 

The End! 


End file.
